Sometimes affairs are a long-term activity that can span months or even years, requiring maintenance and ongoing effort like a real relationship. Other times they are brief, intense, exhilarating events that seem to burn out quickly from their sheer intensity. Which type of affair do you want?
It’s probably safe to say that most people, when looking for an affair, will tend to lean toward the brief, exhilarating kind. In the movies it looks easy—two people come together, kissing in the rain, and the shot dissolves to passionate, sweaty, coma-inducing sex. Then the two characters go their separate ways, either never meeting again or meeting only at the climactic end of the movie. But how do you manufacture that kind of event in real life?
Choosing a Partner
When choosing a partner for a one-time affair, the more exciting your choice, the more exciting the affair can potentially be. This is the time to step out of your comfort zone and test your limits. In short, do not choose to have an affair with someone because they remind you of your spouse.
When exhilaration is your goal, you want to find someone who excites you immediately. Of course, we’d all love to throw down with a cheerleader or GQ model, so if you get that opportunity, you’re probably well on your way to a wild and memorable ride.
Even if a perfect ten isn’t an option, you can still get your juices flowing by going with someone different than what you’re used to: a different body type, ethnicity, or general look. The temptation is to go with the “bad girl” or “bad boy” with the tattoos and piercings, and indeed that may lead to a memorable romp, but don’t limit yourself. Sometimes the quiet-but-sexy librarian or the average-looking investment banker is a closet sexual freak looking for the same thing you are—to unleash their pent-up desires on a willing partner.
Choosing Your Dates
Great, exhilarating affairs usually do not start with a trip to Pottery Barn. In fact, some of the best one-time affairs don’t have a “date” at all, they just have eye contact, licking the lips, and checking into the hotel room.
If you are going on an actual date, a little light drinking at a bar or club to loosen inhibitions is probably a good idea. Moderation is key, though—you don’t want to get so soused that you either can’t perform or can’t remember what a great time you had the next day. Probably the best actual date for a memorable tryst is dancing—when you move well together on the dance floor, it’s a very natural progression to start moving well together between the sheets.
Pushing the Envelope
When you’re finally alone with the partner of your wet dreams and you’re ready to begin your night of intense passion, this is not the time to enact “Standard Sex Protocol 1A” with 2.5 minutes of kissing, three minutes of groping, and 11 minutes of sex in one of two previously agreed-upon positions. An affair is about stepping out of your routine and pushing your limits, and you can bet your partner is wanting, and expecting, the same thing.
So how do you push the envelope sexually? It depends on what your envelope looks like. If you’re already living like Charlie Sheen, you’re probably not going to be able to get outside of your normal operating range without taking a boat out to international waters where you won’t get arrested for whatever comes next. If your sex life consists of three positions and oral every birthday whether you need it or not, it’s going to be pretty easy to push your boundaries.
Your best bet is to watch some porn and make mental notes. True, even the most wanton and willing partner may not agree to perform the acts you see on “DP Divas 12,” but you might get at least a few new ideas that will at least get you thinking outside the box, so to speak.
Avoiding Relationship Habits
In addition to sexual habits, we all have relationship habits, and they have no place in a passionate, one-time affair. Why would you want to take a red hot lover and turn him or her into a carbon copy of your husband or wife, complete with the same old arguments?
If your standard answer in your primary relationship is “Yes, dear,” your affair is a great opportunity to be assertive. If you always have the TV on before and after sex at home, leave it off during the tryst. If your wife never wants to talk about music or movies with you, your lover might just be the one to hear those stored-up thoughts on the death of rock and roll―after you’re completely spent, of course.
Most people who have affairs are striving for the passionate, exhilarating affair, even if it’s just a one-time affair. By keeping a few simple ideas in mind when choosing a partner, choosing a type of date, and performing in and out of the bedroom, you can make your affair truly memorable.