Whenever you talk about mistakes in the bedroom, you’re getting into a slippery, subjective area. Actually, that’s usually not a bad thing in the bedroom, but the point is that what one person considers to be a mistake, another might consider to be downright exciting. It’s no wonder that so many of us blunder around confused between the sheets.
In addition to personal preferences, situations can also affect what’s right and wrong in the bedroom. You’re going to have different rules with a prostitute than with the love of your life, and what is perfectly acceptable for a five-minute quickie is not going to cut it for an anniversary marathon lovemaking session. Even though personal preference plays a huge role in bedroom likes and dislikes, there are a few things that would seem to be mistakes most of the time.
Forgetting to Kiss
There are a few circumstances where a kiss is unnecessary or even inappropriate, in the bedroom. Basically, those circumstances involve paid escorts, hard bondage and discipline, and mornings when you both have breath that would make Godzilla take a step back and bow his head with reverence. Excluding those scenarios, there should be kissing in bed, and leaving it out is a big mistake.
Kissing is an important step along the path to intimacy and it is very important in sex. Kissing sends a signal too the brain, saying “Hey, we might be about to have sex here!” This signal triggers fun reactions like increasing lubrication, sending blood flow to the genitals and generally giving us that warm, fuzzy feeling. By the way, it’s really fun, too.
Dressing for the Occasion
If you’re coming to bed in your striped flannel jammies and expecting to get it on like a porn star, guess what? You’re making a mistake in the bedroom. Again, maybe your partner has a thing for flannel pajamas and you’re all good, but chances are that you’re just killing the mood.
Nobody expects you to wear your slinkiest lingerie or tightest Speedo every night, especially if you’re with your partner frequently, but you need to make at least a little effort. When in doubt, naked always works. Coming to bed naked is never a mistake.
Sometimes a quickie is absolutely wonderful, but it can’t be the only move in your repertoire. Men in particular sometimes seem to treat sex as if they’re getting away with something, and they need to get done quickly before their partner recognizes that they can do better and kicks them out. Sex is usually best when savored by both partners, and not making sure of this can be a mistake.
Not Reading Your Partner
We’re not mind readers, but if you want to be successful in bed you have to at least read your partner’s body and mood. It starts with learning to recognize when your partner is in “the” mood and taking advantage of it (and them) appropriately.
Once you’re starting to have fun in the bedroom, you need to pay attention to what’s working and what’s not. Every partner is different—some might actually tell you how it’s going with a play-by-play commentary that would make Al Michaels take notice; while others might be loud and vocal with moans and dirty talk; and others might only give a slight muscle twitch as a clue. If you don’t learn to read your partner and pay attention to the signs, you’re going to be cheating yourself and your partner out of a much more satisfying experience.
Falling into Patterns
Every person has things that they like to do in bed—kind of their signature moves. That’s all well and good, but if your signature moves become your tired old routine, your sex life is going to suffer.
Changing up a romantic pattern doesn’t always mean that it’s time to break out the handcuffs, whipped cream, and inflatable farm animals, although you’re welcome to if you think it will help. Sometimes it’s as simple as changing who is on top or how sex is initiated, or maybe incorporating a new toy or outfit. However you do it, just do it differently every now and then.
Two, Four, Six, Eight, Don’t Forget to Lubricate
If you’re not making any of the other mistakes on this list, there will most likely be some natural lubrication involved in your lovemaking. Everybody is different, and every body is different though, so just being all hot and bothered doesn’t always equate to a naturally wet and wild adventure. A good bottle of lubricant can make up the difference and keep things slip-sliding along. Forgetting to lubricate can lead to friction between lovers, and not in a good way.
Making mistakes is just part of being human, but making mistakes in bed can be part of being lonely for a long, long time. There are a lot of little things that you can do wrong that can sabotage your efforts to have a great time in bed but, by paying just a little more attention to detail, and to your partner, you can avoid mistakes and let the good times roll.