While most of us dream of those happily-ever-after relationships, sometimes reality is a bit stickier. For most women, their man sleeping with another woman is their worst nightmare. For others, turning a blind eye to a little bit of indiscretion is the only way to maintain a happy home.
What nut job thinks it’s OK for a man to be unfaithful? It’s more common than you might think. Just read a bit about the swinging community, and you’ll realize that for many people, sexual freedom in a relationship is part of the modern inheritance of the sexual revolution. Does this kind of freedom mean I should allow my man to cheat?
Is your relationship open?
For some people, the thought of being tied to one sexual partner for the rest of their lives will have them running away from anything after a third date. As experts from WebMD point out, biologically, humans are not monogamous beings. One explanation is that we are constantly seeking better partners to create stronger, more attractive offspring who will be more likely to survive.
Whether or not this is true, many people just grow bored with the same partner. If this describes you and your man, maybe you should consider an open sexual relationship. This would allow either of you to fulfill any need while maintaining your relationship.
This kind of modern relationship isn’t for everyone. And remember that, if you agree to this kind of relationship, it’s very difficult to ever change it back to a more traditional, monogamous one if you ever want to do that. It might also open you up to the near certainty that he’ll cheat more than once.
If this is your setup, don’t forget to make some guidelines for your safety and health. Set some boundaries, like condoms must always be used, you agree to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases every three months, etc.
One other thing to keep in mind with this relationship is whether he can live with you having the same freedoms as he does. While many men have no problem with playing the field, they want their woman to be home and faithful. If he’s the jealous type, he will probably not be as understanding if you cheat, even if you’ve given him the freedom to do the same.
Is your sex life healthy?
Sometimes women decide to look the other way when their men sleep with other women because their sexual relationship is not a healthy one. There are marriages between two very compatible people have very different libido levels.
One such situation is addressed by a marriage expert columnist with the Daily Mail. If the relationship is happy but you are just not interested in sex or can’t participate in sex because of medical reasons, your partner could be suffering the consequences.
In cases like these, it sometimes makes sense to let your husband get some satisfaction elsewhere. However, before you take this step, which can often be a slippery slope, do some soul searching.
Is there any way you can learn to enjoy sex so that you two can satisfy each other? Even if it takes counseling or a couple’s seminar, you might try finding a way to be your man’s love interest in every way.
Can you live with the consequences?
For whatever reason, if you decide that letting your man cheat is the best way for him to get what he needs while maintaining your relationship, you must be prepared to reap what you sow.
Human sexuality is much more than physical release. It also encourages emotional intimacy in ways nothing else can. While he might go into an affair with the idea to get the physical release he needs, you might find yourself losing him in other ways. It’s almost inevitable that he’ll spend time talking to and thinking about her, and quite possibly becoming drawn to her.
It’s often this emotional infidelity that is more hurtful to a woman than the physical straying. It’s common to feel jealousy over anything that pulls your man away from you and your family, even if you signed off on allowing it in the first place. So, even though allowing him to get his sexual fulfillment elsewhere so he doesn’t bother you with his physical needs might seem like an ideal situation, be prepared for the potential emotional fallout.
While monogamy might seem like an old-fashioned idea to many people, the fact is that couples in committed, exclusive relationships are healthier and happier, according to psychiatrists with WebMD. In fact, people who habitually cheat often have a personality disorder, in which they must be the conquerors, and the affairs are seen as conquests.
So before you give your guy carte blanche to go sow his wild oats, make sure you’ve counted the cost, both to yourself and your relationship. If he’s not happy with just you then perhaps he’s just not the right guy for you.