Don’t Settle for a One-Sided Relationship: Achieving Equality in the Bedroom

Woman on Top of ManAs many as twice the number of women as men have trouble getting it on in the bedroom. Claims of mass Erectile Dysfunction aside, the female gender is far more prone to sexual inhibitions and very real physical issues than their male counterparts. Historically, men haven’t always been as concerned that their partners achieve the same levels of satisfaction during intercourse.

Of course, if we were to believe the dogma of many ultra-conservative religious groups, sex shouldn’t be any fun at all! A married couple, under the sheets at night and in the confines of a darkened bedroom, goes about the business of procreation, in layman’s terms making a baby. Let’s simply ignore all the other sexual thoughts, feelings, urges, and desires that for most people begin in early adolescence. We think not!

You’ve Come a Long Way Baby

Throughout history, men have always played a more dominant role in sexual activity. Beginning in the last half of the 20th century, women’s political and social movements made great strides in achieving parity for women on many fronts; in the home, on the job, and especially in the bedroom. Sexual liberation and feminism joined forces in the 1960s and ’70s.

Soon, men began to understand that they needed to give their women far more time and attention, especially when it came to sexual arousal and pleasure. Men also discovered, in these early years, amazing things like the female G spot. What men, slow learners that we are, eventually learned was the more you give, the more you shall receive! Giving pleasure comes back to the donor many times over!

Achieving Equality: A Primer

Achieving equality in the bedroom is all about communication: open, honest, and real communication. It’s a simple tool, really, but is seldom used as it should be. Open and honest communication doesn’t mean you should just talk to your partner about whatever comes to mind. Sex is at its best when two (or more) people join together to experience a number of meaningful and very intimate moments.

Meaningful sex is the most intimate form of communication known to mankind. Forming a sexual union implies a level of comfort and security that can only be achieved through communication. People may communicate by words, but also by their actions and responses. The effects of these communications trigger deep reserves of feelings and emotions. This makes sex more fun.

However you want to say it, great sex is about giving and receiving pleasure, the exact nature of which is constantly changing. Two partners truly enjoying sex both feel safe and secure about what they are doing and how they are doing it. Giving and receiving pleasure is the joy of sex. Anything else is just fucking.

Where the Problems Lie

In order to get more out of the sexual experience, women need more time, care, understanding, and nurturing. As reported above, twice as many women as men have difficulties in the bedroom, with most complaining of a lack of desire for sex.

Men are fairly easy and uncomplicated when it comes to sexual stimulation and release. For women, the trick is to engage the most important sex organ of all, the brain! At that point, connecting mind and body, thoughts, feelings, and emotions becomes much easier.

Inequality Trumps Equality

Many experts conclude that, while equality in the bedroom is a noble and worthy goal, human beings are wired towards male dominance and female submission in sexual encounters. Psychologists maintain that each and every quality of a dominant male will trigger some form of heightened sexual arousal.

Is it the way he walks, or talks? Are females turned on by a man’s superior height, deeper voice, and outward displays of power or wealth? That would be a great big “Yes!” to all of the above. The truth is that the majority of heterosexual women find that submitting to the demands of a dominant male is not only arousing, but preferable to the alternative.

And guess what? This should come as no surprise, but men are aroused by being dominant. This is true, by and large, for male and female members of the entire animal kingdom. So we have two apparently conflicting goals: the ideals of feminism and the ancient, instinctive animal behaviors imbued in us all.

Let Her Voice Be Heard

Many researchers believe that political correctness has, in fact, taken its toll on many otherwise happy physical relationships. As men become more polite and concerned, even anxious about pleasuring their mates, women can actually become more reserved and less likely to enjoy sexual encounters. Taking men and women out of their traditional roles can indeed inhibit arousal, for both.

Women need to more openly express their sexual needs and desires in order to enhance their sexual pleasure. Researchers have discovered that couples where both parties can identify with feminist goals have better and more fulfilling relationships over all, which includes sex. Now that women have a voice, it is important to listen to what they have to say. It is also important to continue to adhere to our unique animal nature and listen to the beat of those ancient tribal drums.