Does Getting Back Together With an Ex Ever Work Out?

couple shopping for alcoholIt’s something you will always wonder about, sometimes with regret or sadness, sometimes with relief. What would have happened if you had stayed with so-and-so and not broken up? How would your life have been different? Would your relationship have eventually changed? What is good-old-what’s-his-name or what’s-her-name doing now?

The vast majority of us enter into a number of serious or semi-serious relationships before we settle down and find someone to marry and begin a family with. But, as we know, the bonds of even the strongest and happiest of marriages have a tendency to wear over time. Breakups happen! Sometimes relationships end almost before they get started. Just as often as not, years go by before a breakup occurs.

If there are children in the mix when a breakup happens, it is likely that the separating partners will maintain some sort of contact at least for the sake of their offspring. Without children, couples may split up and never see one another again. Other exes may maintain some contact with their former lovers or even remain friends.

Do married couples ever get back together again?

By all means! Many divorced couples at some point find themselves saying “I do” all over again, according to court records reviewed recently in Cincinnati, Ohio. While there is little specific research that supports divorced couples reuniting in holy matrimony, a study of marriage license applications in Cincinnati found that 3% of couples were getting hitched to each other for a second time!

Are second marriages to the same person any more successful than they were the first time around? They probably are not, according to marriage researchers. While as many as 50% of first marriages end in divorce, the termination rates for second marriages are even higher, estimated to be between 60% and 80%. These statistics do not separate out second marriages to a former spouse.

With these public statistics in mind, we can only guess how many former spouses have decided to get back together again without the paperwork and legal encumbrances. When it comes to more tenuous dating relationships; couples are more likely to go through several on-again, off-again periods before committing to a marriage or calling it quits for good.

What are the reasons for not trying it again?

Some people dwell on the past or even attempt to recreate past relationships. This is generally a mistake. The initial magic and romance of a new relationship can’t be recreated. Once the moment has passed, it is gone forever and the relationship will never be like it was.

Many couples reunite for what are essentially the wrong reasons. The relationship may not have been any good to begin with and the fact you are lonely without her or him and tired of sitting around the house by yourself won’t make it any better. We can also tell you from experience that getting back together with an ex because you miss the sex is also a bad idea.

Another rule of thumb is the old adage: hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me. If your former partner dumped you and left you hurting, there is no guarantee that he or she won’t do it again when they have a mind to. They may also think they can get away with poor behavior since you came back willingly. Don’t set yourself up just to take another fall!

What are some reasons you may want to try it again?

Everyone makes mistakes and almost everyone deserves a second chance, depending on the severity of the missteps that caused the breakup to begin with. It’s wrong to expect perfection in any individual or in any relationship and, unless you make allowances for errors in judgment or behavior, you will be sorely disappointed.

Losing you or the risk of losing you may, we repeat, may be just the ticket to straighten out their sorry ass and get him or her to fly right and treat you in the manner you deserve. Proper motivation can provide a terrific spark and impetus for change. But beware. Changes that come about because of a breakup or the perceived threat of a breakup may be short-lived.

Even though your heart says give it a second chance that doesn’t mean that it is right to do so. Follow your heart if you must, but again don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work out the second time. Another strong motivator for giving a relationship another chance is regret. However, you may regret taking them back as much if not more than not having tried it again. It could be better than ever before, but the odds are against it.

Like the old song says, breaking up is hard to do. However, it may be just what you need to move ahead with your life. Getting out on your own as a single person can be a good thing. Meeting new people allows for personal growth and new experiences. Rather than living in the past, look forward to relationships that, in the long run, may be even better than what you had.