No, you don’t necessarily need higher self esteem to date casually. If you’re just looking for casual dates, what you’ll need most is a decent set of clothes and a few dollars in your pocket for expenses. With dating, however, like many other human interactions, you tend to get back what you invest in the experience.
Set your sights on only casual encounters and you’ll have endless opportunities to sip coffee or a glass of wine with an acquaintance. A slice of pizza, an ice cream cone, or even a movie is well within the parameters of casual dating. Many quiet, stay-at-home types might believe that casual dating is better than sitting home alone night after night, talking to a goldfish or a pet cat.
If you lack self esteem, what you will have difficulty doing is extending yourself further into more serious dating. People who are shy and/or lacking in confidence will often have a tough time communicating their own wants, needs, and desires. Those with self esteem issues will struggle with intimacy, both sexual and emotional.
More importantly, without self esteem, many people will settle for lesser relationships than would make them truly happy, or worse, no meaningful relationships at all. People lacking in self esteem often believe, falsely, that they are not worthwhile and deserving of the same consideration as others who carry themselves with a more confident bearing.
What does she see in him anyway?
We’ve all been there. We watch friends or acquaintances lose themselves in relationships that we know aren’t right. The mousy girl taking orders from an overbearing lover or the meek young man who seems to have lost his own voice while tied down to a bossy girl―these are both mild examples of relationships where one partner is lacking in self esteem.
No one can tap a magic wand on your forehead and provide you with more self esteem. Unlike Cinderella, no Fairy Godmother will come to rescue you from the throes of an abusive relationship just because you have a good heart and need rescuing. Building confidence takes both time and the support of caring and concerned family members and friends.
Do I need a dating intervention?
Only you know if an intervention will help your dating woes. Often the attempts of well-meaning relatives and friends to find you a date or fix you up with someone backfire miserably. In the first place, there’s no accounting for someone else’s taste in a matchup. Most importantly, if you’re not ready, willing, and able to date, no amount of coaxing from the outside is going to help.
The corollary to the above is, no matter how many times your mother tells you how beautiful, handsome, talented, and wonderful you are, it’s still your mom. It’s what moms are supposed to do. This sort of praise, however, coming from the one who changed your diapers, won’t usually boost your confidence. Most often, this kind of motherly praise can have the opposite effect, making you think of yourself as a big loser!
How do I improve my self image?
You can walk the walk and talk the talk, but you need to feel comfortable and confident inside as well as out. Some of the most outwardly attractive people we know suffer from a lack of self esteem. What we see on the outside is only a thin veneer and provides them with little protection from the barbs and stingers of the real world.
Try building a network of acquaintances and friends with which you have something in common. Seek out people with whom you can feel comfortable; people that will stick by you on the bad days as well as the good. Most importantly, avoid people who put you down and make you feel self-conscious and unworthy. People who display these negative personality traits will generally grow more intolerant and abusive over time.
Why should I settle?
Sometimes it seems like giving up is the only alternative to settling for a jerk or someone else who won’t treat you as you deserve to be treated. We are all insecure about how we appear to others. It’s part of the human condition. Therefore, when we are rejected or when we can’t find what we are looking for, it’s only natural to blame ourselves.
Tell yourself that you are worth it! Waiting for the right person to come along―someone that is positive and reaffirming―is worth the effort. No matter how many lonely Saturday nights you’ve spent at home waiting for the phone to ring, you have to remain positive and keep yourself open and available. The biggest mistake any dater can make is to stop looking. The second biggest mistake is to settle for someone you know won’t satisfy your needs over time.
Good health comes from being involved in strong positive relationships. Making the effort to date, even casually, is a good start. Just like sticking your toe in the water to get used to the temperature, successful dating takes time getting used to. So does building up your own confidence level to the point where you will attract and be attractive to the kind of people who you really want to be with.