10 Signs Your Date is from Crazyland

Sometimes dating and the whole dating ritual can seem like something right out of the National Geographic Channel’s programming lineup. Preening peacocks have nothing on some men, while black widow spiders and female praying mantises seem a lot less scary than some of the single women out there.

While most dates will likely go well, or at least not be a total waste of a night, a few may seem like the stuff of nightmares. You can head off potentially scary relationships by recognizing these 10 signs your date is from Crazyland. That’s a whole lot of crazy!

She’s the Crazy Cat Lady

Sure, this is a character of which we’re all not just aware, but we all probably know a few. There’s nothing wrong with cat lovers and anybody who owns a cat or dog knows how hard it is to get that hair off of your best pair of black slacks. However, when she starts telling you that she’s discovered it’s much more fun and economical to knit with cat fur than buy wool, smile politely and excuse yourself quickly. Before you find her knitting you a calico-colored, cat fur scarf.

He’s Got a Rap Sheet

We’re all for rehabilitation and well aware that many people who do jail time are far from hardened criminals. However, if he’s been carelessly running his finger over his knife blade while listening to you talk the whole meal, crazy doesn’t begin to cut it. Leave before dessert–force yourself to throw up if you have to make your departure look authentic.

Twitchy and Jittery

You’re not sure why he looks so nervous and he can barely keep himself seated during the date. Chances are it’s withdrawal of some kind, and you just don’t have the time or energy to devote to that kind of big issue.

Fanatic with a Capital “F”

Religious and/or political zeal are big-time turnoffs, especially when your date has no idea what your beliefs and opinions are. Whether she’s a bra-burning, feminist liberal or he’s a hand-wringing, pro-life conservative, you’d rather have gotten to know their interests and dreams before you got slapped in the face with their line-in-the-sand, no-room-for-compromise beliefs.

Driving Miss Daisy

When he picks you up for the date, he makes you sit in the backseat instead of the front passenger side. While it’s safer than riding shotgun, it does set off a warning sound in your head because it’s just strange. Unless he’s a chauffeur or cab driver, this is not very normal behavior.

She’s a Cyber Stalker

While it’s true that today’s technology lets us know where most people are at any given time, and reach them by phone call, email, or text, it doesn’t mean we have to do it. There’s knowledge and then there’s stalking. If she comments on every post of yours on Facebook, texts you every ten minutes, and leaves messages on your cell phone when she knows you’re in a business meeting, she’s either too needy or terribly insecure. If you don’t like to be smothered, let her go.

His Own Personal Doll

“Psycho” was one thing, with Norman Bates and the rocking chair. But if you wake up one morning, only to find your hair cut and your toes polished, it’s a whole ‘nother level of crazy. Even if you like the nail polish shade he used.

The Family Isn’t His

You finally get to his place, and are simply looking around while he opens the wine. You notice many framed photographs, and they look familiar. As he tells you family stories centered around these photos, a creeping realization dawns on you: You recognize some of these as the filler sheets that the store sells in the frame. These families aren’t real, so why is he pretending they are?!

Smile, You’re on Camera!

Okay, you admit it: you’re not much of a cleaner. Your idea of straightening up the room is picking up the wet towels and hanging them over the shower rod, and smelling the socks to see if they can be re-worn. Perhaps that’s why it took you a few months to find the well-hidden, tiny camera that she placed on your bookshelf between Dan Brown’s “Lost Symbol” and your Star Wars Pop-Up Guide to the Galaxy. She’s been watching you, and it’s creepy. Does she think you’re cheating or is she simply obsessed?

I Love You

Nobody should say those important three words “I love you” when they first meet you. Nor is it acceptable on the next date, or the next one. Real love takes time to bloom. However, check that he’s saying it to you, and not to the mirror application on his iPhone. If he’s obsessed with his appearance, constantly brushing his gelled hair back, and polishing his shoes, there’s a good chance that his heartfelt declaration is simply narcissism. It’s still crazy; but not as crazy as falling in love with you the moment he sees you.