Well, you finally got so desperate that you gave in to your mom, and let her set you up on a date. You can’t remember whose son it is — her hairdresser, the supermarket cashier, her friend from grade school — and you don’t really care because your expectations for this date are low, way low.
Sadly, he didn’t fail to disappoint, even with the bar set so close to the ground. Sure, some could say that your mind was already made up, but you would have happily admitted that you were wrong, even to your mother! In fact, you wish she’d been there to see for herself. Here are 10 signs why your date is still single, regardless of their gender.
He Rides a Bicycle to Your Date
You get it: Fitness is cool and owning a bicycle instead of a car reduces your carbon footprint. And you agree, as you love to admire a pair of tight-fitting biker shorts stretched over a taut derriere. However, this is a date. At a wine bar. And even though he’s brought a pair of nice pants and a dress shirt to change into in the bathroom, it’s still not cool. After all, you don’t relish the idea of riding tandem when he offers to pick you up for another date.
She Brings Her Sister
Seriously, unless this is some kinky offer right out of the gate, you’re not sure why there’s two of her to have to impress on your first date. You feel like you’re in high school all over again, and the sister popping her gum isn’t helping. This is a huge faux-pas: Nobody should have to meet the family until the relationship is well established.
He’s a Nudist
Okay, on the face of this it shouldn’t be a problem. But really, a major piece of the dating ritual depends largely on the thrill of finally getting to see your date naked, after much flirting and innuendo. Somebody who is naked from the start (aside from the obvious embarrassing logistics of even going out in public), leaves little (and it might really be little) to the imagination.
Say it, don’t spray it. From the exuberant talking with food flying out of their mouth to the fact that you need a lobster bib just for the goodnight kiss, a date with excessive moisture issues is just gross.
You’ve got nothing against kids; heck, you might even have some of your own! But dates–especially in the beginning of a relationship–should be solo affairs. It’s fine to talk about your kids and even show their photos if you must, but they don’t belong out on the date too. Anyway, isn’t it past their bedtime?
And say it, don’t bray it. You’d like to think you’re not this shallow, but face it: Your date is single because there’s nobody who would want to listen to that laugh full-time, for the rest of their life. Aren’t you supposed to want to make her laugh? Now you’ll do anything to get her to find you as un-funny as possible.
Paging Ms. Manners
Manners and chivalry shouldn’t be dead arts. While spreading his coat over a puddle for you to walk on isn’t quite necessary, you want him to open the car door for you, pay for at least the first date’s bill, and know how to use a napkin. If he’s this much of a pig in public, you do NOT want to see his private space.
Carries on a One-Sided Conversation
When you first met, you thought your date might have had a phone headset tucked over her ear. But, no, she’s simply talking out loud to herself. You thought she might stop talking to herself and start talking to you, but you can’t seem to get a word in edgewise and you’re finding it pretty darn creepy. If you left, would she even notice?
Talk about Career Focused!
You understand that he loves his job. Either that, or he absolutely has nothing else going on in his life, because it’s all he talks about. If he was an investment banker, it would merely be boring. But he’s a mortician, and it’s making you absolutely sick to your stomach. As you look down at your plate, you’re really wishing you hadn’t ordered the steak medium-rare.
The Hair, Oh the Hair
You’ve always prided yourself on the fact that, while you like pretty women, you’re not so focused on looks that you can’t see a genuine warm personality for what it is. After all, you’re not Eddie Murphy in “Coming to America,” who was overly concerned about a girl’s feet. But you appreciate good grooming and a woman who shows a bit of pride in her appearance.
That long hair so evident on your date’s chin is driving you CRAZY, and you know it’s a deal breaker. Hasn’t she heard of tweezers?!
They say that for every yin, there’s a yang, and you hope that’s true. But if you’ve ever dated somebody who exhibited any of these ten signs, you definitely knew that yang wasn’t you.