Why Are Nice Guys Often Jerks!

jerkNow honestly, how many times have you observed a couple walking down the street arguing or engaged in some kind of confrontation in a bar, restaurant, or other public place? Thinking about the encounter for a moment, you are bound to have said something out loud to your companion or even just to yourself, “I wonder what she sees in that jerk,” right?

On the other hand, how often are you involved in a conversation where the name of a buddy or a good friend comes up and invariably you or someone in the group will say, “He’s such a nice guy, I wonder why he’s still single”? These two seemingly opposing questions, why is the nice guy single and why is the nice girl with a jerk are, in fact, related.

Why Women Go for Losers

MTV, a network that in its infancy was known for playing cutting-edge music videos 24/7, is now mostly known for its raunchy and totally visceral reality shows, featuring unlikely casts of loveable losers. MTV, whose target audience is teens and twenty-somethings, started the ball rolling with shows like The Real World.

So popular were these early ventures that MTV soon spawned a dozen more. There were shows about teens, parents, and dating called Next, Teen Mom, and My Super Sweet 16. Then came shows focused on quasi-celebrities like Paris Hilton and the entire Khardashian and Jenner clan.
Finally, producers went back to the Real World, model but this time with somewhat older participants, and shows like Jersey Shore hit the airwaves.

Each of these shows in its turn clearly demonstrated to television audiences around the globe that young, pretty, and sometimes rich girls consistently fall prey to losers and jerks. Truly nice guys were quickly sent packing.

Eventually It Had to Happen

Now MTV is introducing a brand-new series once again showcasing relationship dysfunction, entitled “Is She Really Going out with Him?” According to network publicists, this show will examines the endless cycle of loser guys getting it on with nice girls. The show is based on the popular book and website by Jay Louis, aptly called Hot Chicks with Douche Bags.

According to published reports, Hot Chicks is patterned after the much-maligned but often talked about Jersey Shore. Author Jay Louis describes the douche bags featured on the new show as men who leech off women whose motherly nurturing instincts convince them that, in time, they can fix these bad boys.

The men often make spectacles of themselves with their easily identifiable dress, piercings, and tattoos. They are overly confident and supremely self-centered. What they might lack in talent and intellect, the douche bag boys make up for with their overbearing personalities and steroid-fed muscles.

Another pop culture author, Barbara Davilman, recently sold the film rights to her book, “What was I Thinking: 58 Bad Boy Stories.” The film, to be produced by New Line Cinema, is rumored to star Jennifer Garner in the lead role. Casting the 58 bad boys to play around her shouldn’t be all that difficult considering the current level of drama in Hollywood these days.

Why Girls Do It

The book relates almost five dozen different nightmare stories of failed bad boy/nice girl relationships. The reasons that young women fall for these guys vary. In some cases, the women were brought up in the middle of similar relationships and use them as models for their own dysfunctional liaisons.

Some women believe that they aren’t good enough and are only attracted to guys who are emotionally unavailable to them. These women are often doomed to repeat their mistakes, according to psychiatrist Dr. Marianne Gillow. She calls this her repetition compulsion theory.

Gillow says that the women keep trying to master the situation that contributed to their current mindset, whether it was caused by abuse or lack of self-esteem or what have you. They keep thinking that this time they’ll beat it, this time they’ll change him, and this time they’ll win. The overriding theory is that all men behave this way and therefore all men are dicks.

What a Nice Guy Can Do

Stop being nice, advises New York Dating Coach founder, Art Malov. While girls say they want a nice guy, what they usually mean is that they want a guy who is cool. Malov advises his male clients to avoid being predictable. Don’t throw all your cards out on the table Malov continues, as most women really appreciate a man of mystery.

Women don’t really appreciate someone with a polished image. They would rather shine up someone who is slightly tarnished before etching their initials in the finished product. He insists that women prefer to be chased and dislike men who are too available and too flexible.

Nice guys should avoid putting women on a pedestal, but they shouldn’t avoid manly or macho behavior. Women don’t like mama’s boys. They equate nice with words like boring, marshmallow, and doormat. Lastly, nice guys should remember that nice is a four letter word!