What Really Happens at a Massage Parlor?

You may have heard rumors about massage parlors, and seen the newscasts about the police busts at these types of places. So when somebody gives you a gift certificate for a massage at a local spa, its is normal to be both nervous and excited at the same time.

It’s been crazy stressful at work and you feel like a tightly coiled spring, so the gift was a thoughtful one. But you’ve never had anybody give you a “real” massage before and you’re not sure what to expect. Are they going to knead your back and shoulder muscles, or is it more of a full-body thing? And what about a happy ending — does that really happen?

What is a Massage Parlor?

A massage parlor is a place you go to get a massage for which you pay a fee. This is different than going to your girlfriend’s house and having her rub your neck while you watch football. Sometimes a massage parlor will be a stand-alone business, just for massages, while other times you’ll find a full-service spa doing massages, as well as manicures and pedicures, makeup application, and even haircuts and colors.

Because the term “massage parlor” has negative, or other, connotations, most respectable places that offer massages refer to themselves as day spas or therapy centers. Therapy centers might also offer nutritional counseling, acupuncture, and other wellness treatments, in addition to massages. A legitimate massage business will most likely offer one or more types of massage, such as Shiatsu, Swedish, deep tissue, etc.

There are also erotic massage parlors, which is most likely what you’re thinking of. These have a reputation as being run by Asian women, who do much more than give massages behind close-curtained windows and closed doors.

What is an Erotic Massage Parlor?

Erotic massage parlors are licensed massage businesses where customers often get a “little something extra” at the end. You do not go to one looking for sex–if that’s what you want, go find a prostitute. Instead, you’ll get a nice, relaxing, run-of-the-mill massage. In fact, many customers don’t even realize that their massage studio is an erotic one, offering more than the typical massage. Those that do, though, get what’s called a “happy ending” at the end of the massage–a total release, as it were.

Customers in these massage places are also often given a choice of options as to whether they’d like their masseuse to be topless, wearing a G-string, or completely nude while giving them the massage. As one of these type of masseuses noted, no matter what she’s wearing or not wearing, the massage is completely the same; the customer is just paying more for the view.

Just in case you don’t know the difference, a regular massage does not end with any type of sexual or private act. Never ask a licensed massage therapist at a day spa for something you would only find at an erotic massage parlor, as it’s illegal and insulting, and will likely get you thrown out and banned from ever returning. We know, it can be confusing.

How do I Find an Erotic Massage Parlor?

If you’re looking for more than “just a massage”, you’ll definitely want to make sure that you end up at the right place for it. Your best bet to locate one of these specialized massage parlors is to ask your friends. There’s a good chance that they know, or they know somebody that knows, or they know somebody who knows somebody that knows a place to recommend to you.

If you’ve got nobody to ask, or you find yourself in a new city on a business trip and can’t exactly ask the concierge (remember–it’s illegal!), then get yourself a local newspaper and look in the classifieds section. These types of massage parlors will usually contain keywords such as “acupressure” or “parlor.” Acupressure is our favorite because it sounds like something that you would legitimately find in a day spa, but it isn’t. These massage businesses also tailor their advertising to a male audience.

If you call up this type of massage parlor and ask about the services they offer, you’ll most likely get a cagey answer. If you press further, and they hang up, you’ve most likely found the right place. If they list their business hours and they’re kind of strange hours for a spa, they’re most likely an erotic massage parlor. Lastly, if they’re located in a house in a residential neighborhood, then Bingo! You’ve probably found the right place.

If you’re really looking for sex and just using “massage” as a euphemism, then forget the massage parlor altogether. Most of these establishments don’t do this; instead, look on Craigslist for Escort Services, Casual Encounters, Adult Fun, and so much more. The Internet age has made finding all types of services — from massages to much more — easy to do from the comfort of your home computer.