Should I Have Sex With My Ex?

Woman Embracing Her ExWhat is it about exes? You say goodbye—sometimes loudly—you move on to someone better-looking, smarter, and hornier, and you sincerely hope to never see them again. Even if you do run across them again, it won’t really matter because whatever you felt for them is gone and they don’t have any power over you, right?

Somehow that situation always seems to come up where suddenly you somehow have the opportunity to bang the ex one more time. Should you take advantage of it, though? The road to sex with the ex is fraught with pitfalls and dangers. However, in some cases it just might be worth it, depending on a number of factors.

How did things end with your ex?

Whether you are looking to pick up where you left off or just get in one last shot on goal before time expires, the decision on whether or not to hook up with your ex depends greatly on how the relationship ended. If there were shots fired or bladed implements involved in the breakup, you might want to let that relationship stay dead. If it was a tearful parting of the ways forced on you by circumstances beyond either of your control, slamming your bodies together another time or two with as little clothing as possible in between may be a very natural choice.

A lot also depends on who ended the relationship. If it was a mutual breakup, it would take a mutual agreement to get back together. Otherwise, whoever initiates the breakup would almost have to have a change of heart for a hookup to work. All of these rules are negotiable when really obscene amounts of alcohol are involved.

Was your ex any good at sex?

The great thing about being with an ex is that there is no real “buyer beware” situation—you know exactly what to expect sexually. The bad thing about being with an ex is also that you know exactly what to expect sexually. At least this is one of those rare sexual situations where you can go into it with all of the information you need.

Let’s face it: If your ex was the best lover you ever had, they probably wouldn’t be your ex. But maybe they were pretty good, or maybe you’ve been going through a dry spell lately, and suddenly they seem a lot better than your other options. Generally though, if your ex was really bad at sex, you probably shouldn’t hook up with them again sexually.

The only exception to the no sex with the bad sex ex rule (try saying that a few times fast) is if there is real and credible evidence that your ex has improved sexually. Maybe they went to India to study tantric sex and the Kama Sutra, maybe they got surgical enhancements, or maybe they changed careers and have become a world-renowned porn star. In any case, if you can reasonably believe that your ex has become better at sex, it might be time to go horizontal with them one more time. Or diagonal, or inverted—you get the idea.

Are you and your ex both free and available?

You’re getting into a whole other area of morality if you or your ex are in a different committed relationship now. While there is at least a subconscious satisfaction sometimes in royally screwing up an ex’s new relationship, it’s really not a good thing to do, and if you believe in karma, it will come back to bite you. In fact, it will probably come back to bite you in the form of a jealous partner threatening you with bodily harm.

Is there a chance you might get back together with your ex?

If you and your ex are both free and open to starting a new relationship with somebody, why not do it with each other? Probably because you already drove each other so crazy that you had to break up once. Still, it’s all going to be different this time, right?

If you are a total optimist or a complete glutton for punishment, maybe you want to get back together with your ex for the long haul. If your ex feels the same way, then sex can be a great step along that path. If, however, one of you wants to get back together and the other doesn’t, the hook up is going to end in somebody getting hurt.

In a world where there are so many people with whom you could potentially have sex, is it really necessary to do it with a person you’ve already clearly decided that you don’t want to be with? Well, that’s up to you, but you need to at least be aware of how the terms of your breakup, sexual prowess, availability, and chances of truly getting together with your ex might affect how satisfying or destructive a hookup might be.