Is Phone Sex Cheating?

If you’ve ever watched television after 11 p.m., you’ve seen the ads. A sultry, scantily clad young woman, telling you she’s bored and waiting by the phone. You laugh and wonder what kind of loser calls those numbers. But then one night, maybe your wife has gone to bed early with a headache and you have certain needs and impulses…and suddenly it doesn’t seem quite so ridiculous.

You decide to call, telling yourself that it’s just to see how silly the whole thing really is, knowing that the operator on the other end is a 350-pound woman named Ludmilla with a thicker beard than you have. Still, you make the call, and you like it. Have you just betrayed your wife? Is phone sex cheating?

Do men usually think phone sex is cheating?

Men, as a rule, tend to get a little hazy on their definition of what constitutes cheating—just ask former president Bill Clinton. In general, most men would not consider it cheating to call a phone sex number, but then those numbers are not geared towards women, so most men aren’t really worried about their wives calling them.

On the flip side, most men would not be at all happy with the idea of their wives calling an old high school buddy and having phone sex with him. Would they consider it full-fledged cheating though? Some would, some wouldn’t  depending on just how jealous they are by nature and whether or not they’ve ever done it themselves.

Do women usually think phone sex is cheating?

Many women do consider phone sex to be cheating, whether it’s with a friend or with a remote phone sex operator. The reason for this comes down to the way men and women approach sex in general. Men are much more focused on the physical aspects of sex, while women usually focus more on the mental and emotional. To some women, the mental and emotional connection one might have through phone sex means as much or more than a quick physical tryst.

Does phone sex lead to actual cheating?

Phone sex in general is more likely to lead to a cigarette, a beer, and a nap than actual cheating. Or maybe just the nap. Still, if it’s more personal phone sex, with someone you actually know, you and your phone friend might just put together a fantasy so enticing that they have to try it.

The question is, does the phone sex cause the cheating, or was the cheating going to happen anyway and phone was just one of many accessories to be used along the way? In either case, one could make a reasonable argument that the phone sex became part of the actual act of cheating, if cheating physically was the end result.

Is phone sex closer to cheating than cybersex? 

There is definitely a different level of intimacy with phone sex as opposed to cybersex. It’s just sexier when you hear someone say what they want to do with you, or to you. Of course, if the two people involved are the guy who does the voice of Elmo on Sesame Street and Fran Drescher, maybe not so much!

Cybersex creates a virtual barrier between the people involved, which some people prefer because it allows them to lose their inhibitions and explore fantasies that they wouldn’t even be comfortable saying on the phone. Also, they have Google handy so that they can easily find out about things like the “Rusty Trombone” if they run out of ideas. Go ahead; you know you want to check. Anyway, this virtual barrier makes cybersex seem a little less like cheating to many people, but many a spouse is still left wondering “Why don’t they cyber with me, then?”

Does phone sex actually prevent cheating?

Clearly, in some cases phone sex can lead to cheating, but in others the reverse might be true. If someone feels the need for a change of sexual scenery, maybe they’ve only been with one partner their whole life or maybe they are used to having a different partner every night and now they’ve been stuck with the same one for years. That person looking for release away from home might just get it on the phone. In that case, the phone might act as a release valve, allowing them to blow off some sexual steam without hurting anybody.

Phone sex could also be a supplement to someone’s relationship. For instance, if one partner writes porno scripts in their spare time and the other believes that any position other than missionary is the work of the Devil, there’s going to need to be an equalizer. Phone sex might allow the more adventurous partner to explore their desires without physically being unfaithful to their loving, sexually-repressed mate.

Phone sex might appear to be cheating to some people, particularly if they are more focused on the mental and emotional aspects of sex. If the phone sex might lead to physical cheating, the argument is even stronger that it could be considered an act of infidelity. On the other hand, if the release one gets through phone sex helps them to stay physically committed to their partner, it might actually help their relationship in the long run. How could that be cheating?