Identifying Your Deal Breakers on a First Date

Man Giving a ToastExperts agree that setting high expectations for a first date can be counterproductive. Insisting that potential first dates meet a laundry list of qualifying criteria can very often doom what might indeed become a promising relationship. Disqualifying eligible dating prospects right out of the gate can also cause dating depression and lead to a lot of lonely Saturday nights.

That’s not to say that you have to go out with every Tom, Dick, and Mary that crosses your path. There are certainly some minimal standards that go hand in hand with accepting or extending a first date request. These minimum acceptable qualities or deal breakers can vary widely from person to person. It’s important, therefore, to be completely honest with yourself as to what you are or are not willing to accept. It’s also important to be realistic about your expectations.

True Love Takes Time

First of all, daters need to recognize the fact that love at first sight is a very rare commodity indeed. Those who expect bells to ring and fireworks to go off right from the start of a relationship are usually just kidding themselves. Additionally, it’s important to note here that men and women often respond very differently to first encounters.

While women may be asking themselves, “Is this the one?” men are inclined to be thinking, “I wonder if she’ll put out on a first date” or “Are those things real?!” Once things do move to the bedroom, a woman begins to form an emotional attachment, while deep down inside men are smiling and thinking, “That was fun! I think I’ll order a pizza!”

Bottom line; a guy or a gal doesn’t have to knock your socks off the moment you open the front door, but there are some warning signs that’ll determine whether you are willing to accept a second date or even see the first one to completion.

Size Does Matter

So what should you be looking for or looking to avoid when your date comes a callin’? Most humans have a short list of physical qualities that they will or will not be willing to accept in a potential date. For instance, many daters draw the line at dating someone who won’t fit in the front seat of their car. We use the theater seat test.

If we wouldn’t be comfortable sitting next to our date in a movie theater or in the tourist section of a conventional aircraft, we will say no to the date. Having said that, we understand that there are those who prefer larger men and women and who will overlook the fact that their dates might spill over several seats at the Cineplex.

Cleanliness Is Next to Godliness

We saw a young man at the theater the other night with three attractive young ladies. Each girl wore a pretty dress with all the appropriate accessories. The young man was wearing a tee shirt and pair of baggy athletic shorts with ratty old sneakers. Not appropriate attire for the theater and certainly not appropriate on a date. Send him packing!

If your date comes to the door dressed in such a fashion, let them know that the disheveled, grunge look went out in the 90s and that you expect your dating partners to be neat, clean, deodorized, and properly coifed. Dirty and smelly people might eventually find acceptable dating companions, but that’s a topic for another article on another website.

If You’re Tardy, Bring a Note from Your Doctor

There’s generally no excuse for someone showing up late on a first date. You only have one chance to make a first impression. This is as true for first dates as it is for job interviews. Put your best foot forward and get there on time. If you’re late, you deserve to be sent packing, unless you have a damned good excuse.

First Encounters Can Be a High

Some people can actually be defined as serial daters, becoming hooked on the sense of euphoria that, for them, comes with new social and sexual encounters. These folks get off on the quite exhilarating feeling of falling in like, lust, or yes, even in love. Constantly looking for this high is self-defeating and when the newness or magic wears off, they will disappear from your bed and find their kicks with another, over and over again.

Experts call this magical feeling limerence. It is defined as a connection of mind, body, and spirit, which can produce an almost intoxicating sexual chemistry. Limerence is not, however, a deeply rooted and lasting bond. Like most any drug, the toxic feelings of limerence become etched in the human brain. It is unrealistic though to think that these feelings will last throughout a relationship.

Beware of Serial Daters

Serial daters should be avoided. Many solid relationships have ended because one or the other partner expected to remain madly and passionately in love throughout the course of the relationship. When the initial fires dampen, a serial dater will move on to the next person and the next temporary high.

Expectations of deep passionate love 24/7 are quite impractical and place undue burdens and strains on everyone involved. A serial dater not only believes that things are going to be this way, but that they always should be this way. If your first date ends in the throes of steamy passionate lovemaking, enjoy it, but accept it for what it is.