When it comes to dating, everybody and their brother has both solicited and unsolicited advice. What to wear on the first date; how much to spend on dinner; whether to see a romantic movie; etc. The best advice to follow is the common sense advice in your own head. What seems right to you?
Still, everybody feels like dating has rules, so its not a bad idea to consider common protocols before making reservations. One of those protocols governs the appropriate time to have sex with a new partner – more commonly expressed as how many dates before sex?
Can I Have Sex on My First Date?
Is the Pope Catholic? Of course you can but conventional wisdom says you should probably wait. Why is this? Well, if you’re a woman, society may say that you’re a slut if you make it a habit of sleeping with men on your first date. If you’re a man, society doesn’t hate you quite as much, but you still might get a reputation as a gigolo.
However, if you and your date are consenting adults, and neither one of you is forcing the other, sex on the first date can be, and often is, quite possible. Perhaps the attraction between the two of you was just too great to bear. Or perhaps you’re both rebounding from hurtful relationships and crave the sexual companionship. Who knows; maybe she hasn’t had sex in a year and is quite literally about to burst. Who are you to say no to a woman who wants sex right away?!
Play it by ear (or other body parts) and see how the evening goes. You should be able to tell how the other partner feels about you while they are talking (if you’re even listening) and some one will most likely provide pretty apparent signals if they are interested in doing more than kissing on the first date.
Should I Have Sex on a First Date?
A-ha! As your mom probably taught you, “can” and “should” are not the same thing. Just because you can wander into your kitchen, naked, at midnight and drink milk out of the carton without anybody bothering you, doesn’t mean you should. Just because you can watch the TV in your bedroom while you’re sitting on the toilet in the bathroom, doesn’t mean you should. And just because you can have sex on your first date, doesn’t mean you should.
Why not, you ask? While turning down sex when it’s freely offered to you might not be a habit you want to get used to, you should at least wonder a little as to why some one wants to have sex on the first date. After all, no matter how good-looking you are, they doesn’t really know you and know less about your health history and/or sexual partners.
Does the person have strange sexual predilections or still live with your parents. Don’t you want to know these same things about someone before you sleep with them? You definitely want to make sure you’re not stepping into a whole bunch of crazy with a woman before you take off your clothes.
So, How Many Dates Are OK Before Having Sex?
While there’s no magic number, expectation does occurs with adults dating that, somewhere between Date #3 and Date #5, they will be having sex. Although there will be lots of things you still don’t know about each other, by the third, fourth, and fifth dates you should know enough to at least get under the sheets.
At this point in the relationship, there’s a good chance that you’ve built up a bit of sexual tension by postponing the inevitable, and that could make it even more exciting and rewarding.
If, however, you’ve wined and dined and by the fifth date you’re still getting the kiss-off at the door, you’ll need to figure out what’s going on. You can’t go wrong asking directly–if your date gets mad at you, you’re not losing out on sex because you were not getting any anyway!
Maybe, somehow, some way, they were getting the wrong vibes from you and didn’t know if you were really interested. Make it clear that you’d love for him/her to come to your place, or for you to go to theirs, so there is no doubting your intentions. Heck, mention the car parking lot if it helps.
If asking for sex seems too much like begging for your comfort, kiss in a way that she can’t mistake your interest at all. You’re not a kid anymore and we shouldn’t have to give you directions on how to render a partner breathless and turned-on, and definitely wanting more. Go to it and have fun!