Dating, like so many other human activities, is really pretty easy; that is, until you screw it up. There is never a second chance to make a first impression as you’ll so often discover when dating. Unfortunately when nature comes a calling, common sense often flies out the window. Perhaps this is why almost 90% of first dates end without leading to a second date.
The single biggest cause for this monstrous statistic is a lack of chemistry. Two folks meet, greet, and pass the time more or less pleasantly, but there is no spark. One or both partners know almost immediately that nothing more will come of this relationship, no matter how much time is invested.
Other Major First Date Blunders
The second major cause of first date failure is plain and simple stupidity. How simple is it to show up on time and appropriately dressed for whatever activity has been planned? Tardiness is a mega date breaker. Showing up late for a first date shows a total lack of caring and concern for the other party, yet it is something easily avoided.
Plan ahead and leave plenty of time to find the place you are meeting your date. These days, with Google, Mapquest, and GPS systems on your phone and in your car, there is no excuse for getting lost on your way to a date. Oversleeping is a pretty lame explanation for lateness as well. If you’re a heavy sleeper and must have a nap before going out for the evening, set two or even three alarms.
Another dumb move is drinking too much on a first date or, worse yet, showing up drunk. If you can’t control your drinking or drugging or what have you for a single evening, you’re in serious need of rehab or at the very least some professional counseling! You may think you’re funnier after you’ve had a few, but I guarantee your date won’t find you all that charming if you’re schnockered. Plus, if you’re driving, you’re also risking a night in jail or worse.
Many folks ruin a first date by pretending to be something they’re not. Short of flat out lying, acting out of character will certainly leave your date wondering why he or she went out with you in the first place. Be real and be yourself. Don’t under- or over-do anything, no matter what your inclinations may be to the contrary.
In the same vein, don’t be overly aggressive in approaching your date about most anything, especially sex. Only a total boor walks into a first date with the question: Do you wanna fuck? or the equivalent. Being too passive is also a dating mistake. Sure, it’s nice to know that you’re agreeable, but for heaven’s sake, have an opinion!
Don’t just accept whatever your date says without question or pause. Hell, if you’re that boring and shallow, we wouldn’t want to date you either! If you’re the opinionated one, give it a break and let your date comment on how he or she feels about a particular subject.
Don’t monopolize the conversation. That’s another sure deal breaker. Learn to be a good listener.
Be Interested in Your Date
Pay attention to your date. Make him or her feel that they’re special enough to command your attention, at least for the time that you’re together. If you’re out in public, don’t get caught with your eye wandering around the room. She’ll know that you were wishing you were with someone else.
Talking incessantly about your past relationships or your ex-husbands or wives is an almost certain date breaker. Running into close friends or an ex while on a date can also be problematic, to say the least. On one of my recent dates I ran into my ex-wife just as my date and I were walking into Starbucks for a cup of coffee. We happen to be close friends and stopped for a minute to catch up.
Long story short, after my ex left, I spent an exhausting hour over coffee with a woman who let me know in no uncertain terms how much she hated her ex-husband. Instead of appreciating the fact that my ex and I acknowledge that we are family and work at getting along, this woman was aghast that I was even on speaking terms with her. No second date for you tootsie!
Some Fun Dating Facts
For a more successful first date, try something new. Going out for frozen yogurt has become a popular activity in place of sitting down to a meal. If you’re one of the lucky 12% that’s goes onto a second date, note that many of the rules have changed.
Unlike the old three-day rule, 75% of today’s men get in touch the very next day. Women, however, still prefer an old-fashioned phone call to a text by a margin of 68%. Some folks do get lucky on a first date.
Almost 40% of first daters end up making out, while slightly more than 20% end up together in bed. If you’re doing the math, you have less than a 3% chance of scoring on a first date, so ease up on the clutch and start planning for dates two and three!