It was the comedian Larry Miller who once suggested that, if women really knew what men were thinking, they would never stop slapping us. He’s really not too far off, either. A man spends an awful lot of time thinking about sex, and you can imagine there are a lot of sex-related items on any man’s “bucket list.”
The bucket list is an idea that came into popularity with the movie “Bucket List,” and it’s a term to describe the things a person wants to do before they kick the bucket. Many women have things on their bucket list like seeing the Eiffel Tower and being kissed beside Niagara Falls, while men have things on their bucket list that involve large amounts of lubricant and stretching exercises. Here are 20 fantasies that most men will have somewhere on that list:
1. FMF Threesome
Every male bucket list has to begin with that magic word: “Threesome.” Never mind that a man only has one penis, the idea of having two women giving it some sort of attention is just too much for men to resist. As Rodney Dangerfield once put it, “If I fall asleep, at least you still have each other to talk to.” The female, male, female sandwich is a clear Number One on the bucket list.
2. The “Ten”
Every man wants to have a drop-dead gorgeous woman somewhere on his sexual resume before he dies. This could be a specific woman, like a particular actress, musician, or supermodel, or it could be just any beautiful woman. Of course beauty is subjective, but most men will agree on a perfect “ten” when they see one, and most would want her on their bucket list.
3. Delivery in the Rear
It wasn’t too long ago that anal sex was completely taboo and most men wouldn’t even admit to having a curiosity about it. Now it’s pretty much standard in every porno, rap song, and male fantasy. Many ladies are still avoiding this act until it receives a “Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval,” so men are left fantasizing about what it might be like, and putting it securely on the backside of their bucket list.
4. The Porn Star
Men watch a lot of porn, so it’s only natural that their bucket list would involve acting out some of their favorite scenes with the favorite porn star of their choice. Interestingly, a lot of porn stars “entertain” on the side, so this one is not as far-fetched as it may seem.
The bonus of the porn star fantasy? There aren’t many other entries on the male bucket list that a porn star wouldn’t be willing to do, so this bucket list item might allow you to check off nine or ten other sexual must-haves, right before you go to the clinic to get tested and treated.
5. The Virgin
For the opposite end of the spectrum, most men want to be with a virgin at least once in their lives. To be able to say they had gone “where no man had gone before” is something any man would be happy to add to his list of accomplishments.
6. Master and Commander
Even the mousy accountant who has never raised his voice to anyone usually harbors that secret fantasy of being the all-powerful master with sexual command over some pretty young thing. This could involve fuzzy handcuffs and a firm spanking, or it might involve leather outfits, riding crops, and a medieval dungeon with devices that would make a “Fifty Shades of Gray” reader cry for their mommy. While some men explore these desires, others just file them away on the bucket list.
7. Slaving Away
The counterpoint to the dreams of mastery over a woman would be the dreams of serving a powerful woman and catering to her every sexual whim. Again, this could be as simple as letting her decide what tonight’s sex act will be or it could be as advanced as having her put a collar on you and parade you naked around the neighborhood while she kicks you repeatedly and questions your manhood. While you would think it is an either/or proposition, there are plenty of men who have both the dreams of being a master and a slave on their bucket list.
8. The Orgy
If three is great, more is greater, right? That’s why a certain item on the male sexual bucket list would be the orgy. Whether it’s the traditional Roman orgy, the 1970s-era drug-induced orgy, or the modern swap meet, most men are really curious to know what it’s like to take part in an orgy. Wearing a toga would be a bonus.
9. The “Cougar”
Not every young man is aware enough of his mortality to have a bucket list, but those who have one surely have an aggressive older woman somewhere on it. The assumption is that, with age comes experience, and with experience comes sexual prowess that will leave a young man weak in the knees.
10. Sex on the Beach
It’s more than just a trendy cocktail. While not always known for appreciating the romance of scenic vistas while rutting like a rhino on the Discovery Channel, even men can appreciate the attraction of listening to the pounding waves while doing a little pounding of their own.
11. The Mile High Club
The logistics of this one is difficult, as there’s a very real danger of getting caught or getting your butt stuck in a cramped airline toilet, but most men would love to do it at least once while a mile in the air. But good luck sneaking that bottle of lubricant past the TSA screeners.
There comes a time later in most men’s lives when they become “That Guy”–the creepy old dude who keeps eying the women half his age or younger. While not all men act on this inclination, many do add sex with the young Lolita to their mental bucket list.
13. Wet and Wild
Along with the Sasquatch and the Loch Ness Monster, one elusive being that men have searched for forever is “The Squirter.” While it is generally known and accepted that many women can have ejaculatory events during orgasm, many men lack the skill, patience, or partner to get to experience the Niagara Falls of sex acts for themselves. For those who haven’t, it’s definitely on their must-see list before they die.
14. Different Ethnicities
Whether you call it “Jungle Fever,” “Yellow Fever,” or just affirmative action, many times a man who has spent his whole life in his own racial dating pool is harboring some buried questions about what it might be like with a woman of another race.
It doesn’t matter what race you are either—there is always a thought in the back of your mind that there’s something magical about the body or technique of that woman who is a slightly different color than you. It’s good to know that the bucket list does not discriminate.
15. The Rolling BJ
Men love cars and men love receiving oral sex. The BJ on wheels is kind of a natural progression. If a man didn’t manage to get this while making out with his girlfriend in high school or college, you can bet it’s on his bucket list. Thank you, reclining seats and adjustable steering wheels.
16. The Office Nooner
Many men spend a large portion of their lives at work, and most of the time they should be working, they are actually thinking about sex. Naturally, sex at work emerges as a major fantasy that works its way onto the bucket list for most men.
17. The Naughty Night Shift Nurse
With apologies to all of the real nurses out there who help people every day without wearing six-inch white stiletto heels and strenuously collecting samples of a particular male bodily fluid, the male fantasy of the sexy nurse is alive and well. Just about every man would like to be under the care of this slightly dirty Angel of Mercy at some point in their lives.
18. The MFM Threesome
This one is a little beyond the comfort zone of some men, but many men who are confident in their sexuality might put the male, female, male threesome right there on the bucket list—a threesome is a threesome, right?
19. You Oughta Be in Pictures
What’s better than having great sex? Having great sex and then watching yourself have it over and over again on video. Okay, that idea can be absolutely terrifying for many men, too, but for those who aren’t camera shy, making a sexy home video is definitely something they wish they could do before they die.
20. Tantric Sex
Not every man knows about tantric sex, but those who do are at least curious about it. Of course, most men couldn’t care less about Shakras and spiritual connections and such, but the idea of being able to last a really long time and maybe even orgasm without ejaculating is enough of an upside to make a man seriously consider meditation and tantric exercises.
Mind you, seriously considering something and actually having the patience and dedication to master it are two different things, so for most men, tantric sex remains a bucket list item, not a reality.